Attention Teens!

Abuse is about power and control. In a healthy relationship, both partners find that they feel stronger, happier, more self-confident, and more independent. Individuals in an unhealthy relationship feel less competent, less independent, less confident, and have little control over their own lives. Most individuals experience their first encounter with violence in a relationship when they are teens.

Consider each of the questions below. They indicate both the potential for violence in future relationships and the existence of violence in current relationships. Remember, you can’t force anyone to change.

If you decide you would like help or just someone to talk to, feel free to call Tri-County Council’s toll free, 24-hour hotline at 1(800) 236-1222. All calls are confidential.

The power and control of teen violence is demonstrated by:

1) Threats

Has your boyfriend or girlfriend ever --

• Threatened to spread rumors about you?
• Threatened to leave you if you don’t do things their way?
• Threatened to commit suicide?
• Threatened to beat you up?
• Threatened to kill you?
• Threatened to destroy your property?
• Threatened to kill or hurt himself/herself if you break up?

2) Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming

Has your boyfriend or girlfriend ever --

• Made excuses for abusive behavior by saying it’s because of alcohol or drugs, or because he can’t control his temper, or that she was “just kidding?”
• Made light of the abuse by saying you caused it, or that you liked it?
• Told you that if YOU changed, he or she wouldn’t abuse you?

3) Emotional Abuse

Has your boyfriend or girlfriend ever --

• Criticized you or humiliated you in front of other people?
• Made you feel stupid, crazy, or inadequate?
• Made you feel that you are always wrong?
• Made you feel that nothing you do is ever good enough?

4) Economic Abuse

Has he or she ever --

• Taken your money for personal use?
• Prevented you from getting or keeping a job?
• Made you ask for money?
• Purchased something for you, and then held that against you?

5) Intimidation

Has he or she ever --

• Displayed weapons?
• Destroyed property?
• Driven recklessly?
• Made threatening phone calls?
• Stalked you?
• Given you the “evil eye” or “the look?”
• Made you feel nervous around them?
• Forced you to adjust your behavior to avoid his/her anger?
• Made you feel afraid to disagree with him or her?

6) Isolation

Does your boyfriend or girlfriend --

• Stop you from seeing your friends or family?
• Tell you what to wear?
• Prevent you from talking to others of the opposite sex?
• Want to know whom you talked to and what you did?
• Disapprove of or criticize your choice of friends?
• Want to control your every move?

7) Privilege

Does he or she --

• Expect you to go out every weekend without asking?
• Decide what you do, whom you associate with, and where you go?
• Make all the decisions?
• Define all the roles in the relationship, treating you like a servant?
• Neglect to ask for your input?
• Expect you to do things to please them rather yourself?
• Prevent you from doing things you want to do?
• Believe they have the right to be “in charge” or “in control” of the relationship?

8) Unwanted Sexual Pressure and Attention

Does he or she --

• Repeatedly accuse you of seeing other guys or girls?
• Engage in unwanted touching?
• Pressure you to have sex?
• HAS HE OR SHE EVER PHYSICALLY STRUCK YOU OR FORCED YOU TO HAVE SEX?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, seek help from someone you trust. You can also call Tri-County Council’s 24-hour toll-free hotline 1 (800) 236-1222 for free, confidential help.