Feelings Commonly Reported by Victims of Sexual Assault

• Fear of People: Victims of assault often fear people and social situations due to the sexual violation they have experienced. You may need some time and support to regain trust in yourself and others.
• Loss of Control Over Life: You may no longer feel sure of anything about yourself or your self-determination. You may feel that in addition to your body, your whole way of life has been violated.
• Fear of the Perpetrator: A fear of attack or violation is a normal fear after an assault. The pain, both mental and physical, may still be fresh in your mind. You may need to develop a safety plan to help deal with your fears.
• Talking About the Abuse: You may find it difficult to articulate out loud, even to yourself, the fact that you have been sexually abused. You may fear telling others about the assault because you worry they may not be supportive.
• Concern for the Abuser: Some victims are concerned about what will happen to the abuser if the abuse is reported. The abuser or perpetrator may be a family member or someone you care about.
• Anxiety, Shaking, and Nightmares: The trauma of abuse and assault goes so deep that you may have anxiety, shaking attacks, and nightmares. Continued support from those around you may help the trauma to subside.
• Guilt: You may even feel like you "asked" for the abuse, or you may feel as if you provoked it by your actions. Be assured that you are not to blame for what happened to you. Any feelings of guilt may be the result of societal myths and misconceptions of sex and sexuality. It is not your fault.
• Why Me?: You may feel like you don't understand why you were the one assaulted. Why didn't it happen to someone else? It was nothing you did. You did not cause it. Assault can happen to anyone at any time. The only one to blame is the perpetrator of the assault.
• Shame and Embarrassment: The society's attitudes about sex and different sexual acts can even elicit feelings of shame and embarrassment. You may be embarrassed about the sexual aspect of the assault. You may also be embarrassed to discuss the physical details because we often view our bodies as private. Some victims of sexual assault feel ashamed and embarrassed to admit that such a thing could actually happen to them.
• Stupidity: You may even think that you were thoughtless or careless, and that is why the attack or assault occurred.
• Anger: Some people think this is the most appropriate attitude to have following an assault. You have been abused and humiliated, so it makes sense that you would be angry. There are healthy ways to deal with anger, and some victims of assault seek counseling or guidance if anger starts to control their lives.

Adapted from Burt, ed al., On Rape, 2nd Edition, Minneapolis, MN, N.O.W. Task Force on Rape, 1975.

Here are some ways that other victims and survivors of sexual assault and abuse help themselves to cope and heal.

• Take time to be kind to yourself. It takes time to deal with this kind of experience. Don't feel like you have to be healed NOW.
• Keep a journal to process your thoughts. You can look back and see how far you have come.
• If you have a flashback, hold onto something steady (a table or even a friend). Breathe deeply, and exhale slowly. Focus on what is going on around you.
• Identify triggers that cause flashbacks and avoid them.
• Try re-directing your dreams.
• Reduce stress by playing in puddles.
• Build a snowperson.
• Sleep with a stuffed animal.
• Find support from someone you trust.
• Learn something new.
• Take baths and listen to quiet music.
• Fix yourself coffee, tea, or hot chocolate, and enjoy it slowly.
• Find a safe way to deal with your anger (shred paper, run in place). Don't hold it in.
• Buy and read used books.
• Give yourself a foot massage.
• Go to a movie by yourself or with a friend.
• Treat yourself to a manicure or a new hair style.
• Set time aside for yourself, even if it is just five minutes a day.

• Child Sexual Abuse/Incest
• Adult Sexual Assault
• Child Physical Abuse
• Domestic Abuse
• Elder Abuse

• Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse
• Survivors of Homicide
• Victims of Violent Crimes